December 4th, 1983
Well, I figure now is as good a time as any to tell the real story of how I came to be in this world.
It was a dark and stormy night in San Paulo, Brazil. Wait let's back up... My biological father was a patsy working for the giant organization in charge of controlling the water purification process for all of Brazil and the neighboring countries. Suffice to say this company had an important job. Unfortunately my biological father had a rather unimportant job. As a gopher. No, he didn't run errands and papersback and forth between employees in the different branches of this company. That would have been at least glamorous. In that he would have had contact with the people who were doing things with their lives. No, he was a gopher. He dug holes. More specifically, he dug holes in a remote corner of San Paulo as apart of a new research project testing efficacy of using dirt as a water filter. (They later learned it doesn't work very well.) Anyway, it was a dark and stormy night and my biological dad was just finishing up his last hole for the day when... I ran out of gumption for this making up a birth story bit.
The real story:
I was due to be born on December 25th, 1983. On the afternoon of December 4th my mom starting having contractions. Not thinking that her (soon to be) best child would be arriving 3 whole weeks early, she told my father that, no, she was not going into labor. She decided to take a warm bath (something she finds very relaxing) to try and calm things down a bit. You see, the very next day my parents were meeting with hospital officials to see if my brother would be allowed to be in the room during my birth. My parents really wanted him to be able to take part in this whole process. During the pregnancy, he had been to all the classes and been informed of all the goings on. However, the hospital people weren't too keen on the idea. And they were meeting the next day to decide Nathan's fate. So, you see, it was inconceivable that I would come before they met!
However, the contractions did not go away and only got closer together. Eventually, my mom conceded to my doctor father that it would probably be a good idea to go to the hospital. As my mom was getting dressed (she was just taking a bath after all) my dad called the person who was going to watch Nathan while I was being delivered (arranged for if the aforementioned meeting didn't go well—Good thing they planned ahead!). Unfortunately (as we'll see), the person that was arranged for (a nurse) wasn't available, so her husband (not a nurse or associated at all with the health profession) was to come instead.
Anyway, as my mom was getting dressed she was sitting on the edge of the bed and about to pull on her jeans when her water broke. And she threw in the towel. I was coming damn it! So, she laid back down. At this point my father became my doctor. Fortunately enough, he actually was a Doctor, and had given birth in medical school before. Let's just say he wasn't completely unprepared. He started getting the bedroom ready to be a delivery room. First he turned up the heat. (Wise move! Our house is always freezing!) and then (I think) he started getting some hot water ready, some towels, some scissors—you know, doing doctor things!
Now, my brother had no idea anything was going wrong. I mean this was how things were supposed to work! He knew the process, he knew what was happening. So he promptly started running around the house singing, "I love Benjamin and Benjamin loves me!" (Wasn't he the cutest ever!?)
Well, I wasn't wasting anytime. While my parents were (I assume) freaking out I was on my way out. Before long I started to crown, and Nathan started yelling (he was in the thick of it at my moms feet right next to my dad), "I can see Benjamin!" (So cute!) According to my parents (looking through the distorted lens of time and fear) I came out blue. Suffice to say things were not looking good for little old me.
(If you are getting scared or stressed out, I promise that I survive)
So, I came out and my dad tied the umbilical cords and and cut it and didn't whatever else it is that doctors do when giving birth. Spanked me on my butt? CPR? (I mean I was blue!)
At some point in all this, Nathan's caretaker person rang the door bell. My dad dashed to the door, opened it and said, "Get in, the baby has already arrived." The caretaker was understandably surprised and thought it was a joke, so he stood there laughing. Knowing what my dad is like when he is stressed out, I do not envy the look this man must have received. So, the guy (I wish I could remember his name, Paul maybe?) called 9-1-1 while my dad returned to pay attention to meeeeeeeeee.
When the emergency team arrived it was a full on fire truck. And the firemen rushed into the house in gear (I can only assume it was full gear). What's-his-face then told them that my dad was a doctor. So, the emergency forces stood back and asked my dad what they should do!
Needless to say, I made it to the hospital and made it through the whole ordeal unscathed. I imagine the whole thing was quite terrifying for my parents, but honestly I wouldn't want it to have gone any other way.
If you don't believe any of it, I have the birth stains on my mattress to prove it!
4 December 2008 11:46pm UTC • 471 views • 7 comments
Tagged with birthday, origins, birth, parents, mom, dad, nathan
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7 comments
Seamonster Mom
5 December 2008 12:43am UTC
Great job with the story, Benjamin, you must have been there!
Tom and Cindy are our friends, and Cindy was Nathan's "birth coach" (the person that watches the sibling so if he/she gets bored or sleeping or horrified they can go elsewhere). Cindy was your and Nathan's pediatrician (she was in Greg's residency class). Tom is a lawyer and not really into body fluids and stuff. He was sorry that Cindy had not come to our house instead.
There were 5 large firefighters in black uniforms. They stood around the bed ooking horrified. I wanted them to do something!
We gave you every kind of medical support available--greg did a little CPR and gave you oxygen that the big guys brought in from the fire truck. I think you thought it was too cold in the world outside.
You left out that you and I were swept off to the hospital in an ambulance with the sirens going, sliding around in the huge snowstorm Salt Lake City was having. The hospital pronounced you good as gold.
I am so glad you made it!!!! Happy, happy birthday!
Boots
5 December 2008 03:14am UTC
Somehow I managed to post the following comment the "about boots" part of the website:
Awesome. Happy Birthday!
The Anonymous Poppy
5 December 2008 05:33am UTC
Is it because you accidentally assumed that if you clicked on the "sign in to comment" at the bottom of the comments you would automatically be redirected to commenting here after signing in? Because that doesn't happen. (It's caught me a few time as well.)
And Happy Birthday, Benj!! :DDD
Peon Peetie
5 December 2008 08:05am UTC
interesting. did your "biological father" work for the bluth company?
Boots
6 December 2008 12:39am UTC
Yes, it was because of that :-P ...I've learned my lesson...well, until I forget it...
Astronomer Katelin
6 December 2008 05:13am UTC
Happy Birthday!!!!! Sorry i am a bit late.
First Mate Beca
6 December 2008 11:25pm UTC
that futon has gotten a LOT of wear out of it...
that is really cute about Nathan too, running around and singing, it sounds like he was one precious 3 year old.
Happy Birthday again, great story.