Eat My Dust, Omer!
Take note of the day, ladies and gentlemen! For today is a day that will go down in infamy! For on this twenty forth of March of two thousand and nine, I have regained the top spot on my website in terms of time spent.
Yes, that is correct! Omer, the previous top dog has been conquered! He passed me in 2006 and held on to it for quite some time. But in January of this year I resolved to put things right.
So, let's see. I started my march to victory at the end of January and it is now March 24th, so let's say 2 months. That is 60 days. When I started I was 9,000 minutes behind. 9,000 is 9,000/60/24 = 6.25 days. 60/6.25 = .10. Yes, that's right I have been on my website for 10% of the last two months!
This might be an apt follow up post to my last one, what do you think?
Oh yeah, and take that, Boatswain the Fool!
25 March 2009 04:01am UTC • 627 views • 240 comments
Tagged with tsp, internet, online, competition
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240 comments
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:14am UTC
Your dust tastes like a temporary victory. Also poop. Why does everything associated with you always taste like poop?
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:15am UTC
Also, I personally think that the only real gauge of TSP success is captions. Whoever has the most captions is clearly the most devoted person to TSP. Now, let's go see who that is...
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:15am UTC
Oh, right. It's me!
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:20am UTC
Also, I personally find it very suspicious that the person who has the top slot in three of the four sorting methods in the online section happens to be the person who has unmoderated access to the database. I seem to remember spending at least 60,000 minutes on TSP last summer, and yet somehow, they've all gone missing.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:25am UTC
Also, if you include my... good friend... the Good Ship Burgundy, I'm actually still in the lead, especially in terms of importance to pirating. Sure, the captain's important, but as we learned from our good friend Captain Jack Sparrow, a captain is nothing without her/his ship.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:26am UTC
And, you know what? I don't even care. You know? It doesn't even bother me. I know that I've got the most time spent in my heart.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:27am UTC
And, you're certainly never going to be logging any more time there.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:28am UTC
...
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:30am UTC
Also, I've been watching you, you know. I see how you spend your time here, doing nothing, just logging hours. I toiled for my post. I did something every time I visited: I commented, or I captioned, or I intended to comment, or I intended not to comment, but I did something. Unlike you, with your refresh-for-the-sake-of-refreshing.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:33am UTC
You know, back in my day, when being on TSP still meant something, before the current administration, you couldn't just refresh the page. There wasn't even a refresh button back then. You had to manually visit the scruffy pirate, and he lived in Portland, OR, which was - at the time - only accessible by bobsled. Now, with this ctrl-r junk, being on top means about as much as installing Linux. Peanuts.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:33am UTC
When I dethroned the previous top dog, you know what he did? He cried. Because he'd devoted his entire life to maintaining that top position, and I was simply a more adept pirate and a better boatswain.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:34am UTC
And, you know what? That previous top dog? That was you!
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:37am UTC
Yeah, and I don't even care, you know? It doesn't bother me. I'm a cloud. I float through this, and I keep on going, to rain another day.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:38am UTC
I'm a jaguar, eating a fence, through which I will find paradise, while you... you're still stuck on the sea, periling it out with the dogs, trying to climb higher than the rest.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:38am UTC
Well, you know what's at the top?
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:39am UTC
It's just the end of the mast. And then the sky.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:40am UTC
And, after that, space.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:40am UTC
And, that's where I am. I'm a space dog.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:41am UTC
Oh, and look at this. Look who's on top this week!
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:42am UTC
Despite all of your ctrl-r-ing, I'm still king of the pond, swinging into first on my vine of awesome.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:42am UTC
Yeah, and I think I broke your website with my awesomivity vine. It's starting to slow down.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:44am UTC
But, not me. No, I'm speeding up!
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:45am UTC
I'm still climbing my vine, my vine that will lead me to space, where I will reign supreme above all of you measly ship dogs.
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 04:46am UTC
I'm not intimidated by your comments Boatswain. I eat comments for breakfast.
Bring. It. On.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:46am UTC
(And, by "all of you measly ship dogs," I really just mean Benjamin. The rest of you are all great. Space dogs like me.)
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:47am UTC
You should really watch what you eat, Benjamin, or you'll gain weight.
My. Comments. Have. Substance.
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 04:48am UTC
Sure, you may be ahead this week, but where were you last week?
I've encountered your kind before. All bark. All comment. No time spent.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:48am UTC
Like a bucketful of White Castle Homestyle Onion Rings.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:49am UTC
Oh, sure, pick and choose. Where was I ten years ago? That's right. Number one. Always.
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 04:50am UTC
And as far as any accusations of cheating go I'll show you the traffic laws if you really want.
Those are real, 100% TSP minutes. The kind that the Boatswain doesn't have very many of. What a fool.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:50am UTC
Also, you forget: a ship is made out of bark. Or, wood at least. I'm proud to be all bark. I'm keeping this whole thing afloat, while you're out prancing around "spending time."
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 04:52am UTC
And I'll also show you the traffic logs. Those might be more relevant.
Just maybe.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:52am UTC
Yeah, Time Spent Pathetically minutes. Zing!
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:53am UTC
Oh, and who has access to the traffic logs? Who invented the traffic laws? You can't prove a corrupt system uncorrupt by asking the people in charge.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:54am UTC
That's like flying a burrito and eating a kite. It's all backwards.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:55am UTC
Kind of like you, when you talk about being "top dog."
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:55am UTC
More like you're wearing a top made out of dogs, which is disgusting.
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 04:56am UTC
Well, I have to go to sleep now, I am sure I will wake up with Omer ahead. But fear not my comrades! He has to sleep sometime. And hang out with his girlfriend sometime. And go to class sometime. And fly back to LA sometime.
And when he does, I'll be here...
...laughing!
Mwa ha hah aha ah!
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:56am UTC
You should be ashamed, and I suggest any dog lovers out there unite and boost my minutes up until I'm once again in my rightful place ahead of Benjamin.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:56am UTC
You know what doesn't laughing doesn't have in it?
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:56am UTC
An "r."
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 04:57am UTC
Yeah, that's right. I'm ctrl-r-ing this place to g-rrr-eatness.
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 04:57am UTC
Well, I don't own Google Analytics (where a version of my traffic logs is), now do I? Who's the fool now? Huh, punk?
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 04:58am UTC
That's right. You, Boatswain!
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:01am UTC
You. You are the fool. And the punk. And the anal. Google Analytics isn't specific enough to save you. Maybe if you were the only person in Boulder, but unfortunately for you, you're not. Many of my visits come from Boulder too. Because Boulder is always supportive of its hometown heroes.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:03am UTC
And, I was in Boulder back before it allowed dirty hippies in.
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 05:03am UTC
Hometown heroes? Hah! I just did an informal poll here in Keri's bedroom and 100% percent of the people awake think you are a sniveling scoundrel who will be sniffling himself to sleep tonight.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:03am UTC
I'm homer than you can ever be.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:04am UTC
You know, what? I think that your time spent in Boulder should go to me.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:04am UTC
Because, really, everything in Boulder belongs to its citizens, and you're a petty outsider.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:05am UTC
And, Keri too. She's a Springsite. Of course she'd be thinking about sniveling.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:05am UTC
No offense, Keri. You know I love you. But, you know, heat of the moment stuff.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:05am UTC
Just go with it.
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 05:06am UTC
Don't believe him Keri! He just called you a sniveler.
That's just unforgivable.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:07am UTC
Oh, and look who's suddenly back! I guess in addition to being dishonest, you're also a liar! Fine behavior for a captain... Shame, Dread Pirate, shame.
Cabin Boy Farluffo
25 March 2009 05:08am UTC
Yeah, get in there, Keri!
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:08am UTC
Back when I was top dog, we used to have a little thing that you may have heard of: morality.
Cabin Boy Farluffo
25 March 2009 05:09am UTC
I just made a bucket of popcorn
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:10am UTC
We used to really deal with the big issues. We fought in the war of 1825 against the dreaded The Plan Askew. We saved democracy, and piratedom, and pirate domes.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:10am UTC
And popcorn.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:11am UTC
It looks like your popcorn was all for not, Beloved Farluffo. Benjamin has fled from the sharpness of my wit and the well-breadedness of my argumentation.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:12am UTC
Truly, this is a fine day for dogs.
Cabin Boy Farluffo
25 March 2009 05:12am UTC
You are truly a magnificent spacedog!
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:13am UTC
And, you, you are the king of the space dogs!
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:13am UTC
We fly/float/super-jet-pack happily behind you, waiting for you to lead us to the Universe.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:13am UTC
And, also to look at your backside.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:14am UTC
You have a mighty fine backside.
Cabin Boy Farluffo
25 March 2009 05:14am UTC
i will eat my popcorn and read over your sharp witticisms once more with love and respect.
i didn't know dreaded pirates slept...
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 05:14am UTC
How dare you Cabin Boy. You have betrayed me. Eat your popcorn. But know that you will share my wraith with Omer.
And I am going to sleep but I have to finish icing my bum knee. :(
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:15am UTC
Perhaps they are not to be so dreaded after all. I heard Benjamin, as he left, ask for his "banky."
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:15am UTC
Does having a wraith imply that you have passed on? Or are you simply a necromancer?
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:17am UTC
Also, please pretend that comment number 70 was written after Benjamin had left. I wrote it from the future, after I had been long victorious, but apparently mistimed its placement just slightly.
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 05:18am UTC
Damn it.
I. Don't. Like. You.
And I can spell 'wrath' however the damn well I please. It's my god damn website!
Cabin Boy Farluffo
25 March 2009 05:19am UTC
oh come on, dreaded... man. you know i love you both. i just want the battle to rage on!
while eating my buttery snack.
Cabin Boy Farluffo
25 March 2009 05:19am UTC
BATTLE FORTH!!!!
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:21am UTC
Ouch. Now that I'm once again within spitting distance of my deserved throne, Benjamin has taken to personal attacks. Well, Benjamin, I. Do. Like. You.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:21am UTC
Now who feels like a jerk?
Cabin Boy Farluffo
25 March 2009 05:21am UTC
Tell Keri that she smells like poo! And that her nemesis has called her out! Please.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:21am UTC
Certainly not me for commenting a ridiculous number of times with inane shenanigans on your website.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:23am UTC
No, I feel like the bee's knees. Like the dork's orc. Like the pungent aroma of victory's grunge tent o' Roman olfactory!
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:24am UTC
And, also, I can benchpress like 100 pounds... if Farluffo helps me.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:24am UTC
... if Farluffo benchpresses them...
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:25am UTC
But, even so, 100 pounds.
Cabin Boy Farluffo
25 March 2009 05:25am UTC
I will help you! (into my arms)
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:26am UTC
And, Farluffo, I will battle forth, in your name, for your honor, because you are really frickin' awesome.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:28am UTC
Like a fire spectacle of stupendicity, eternally bright, never-endingly... afire. You are the star at the center of space to which all of us dogs aspire when we attempt to be the top.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:29am UTC
You are beyond a space dog. You are a star dog.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:30am UTC
...
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:30am UTC
I... uhh...
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 05:30am UTC
Well, now I really do have to go to bed.
I know for a fact that Boatswain is commenting a lot to try and cover up the pungent smell of fear coming from his arm pits.
And I know for a fact that Cabin Boy eats poop.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:30am UTC
... might have gone a bit... overboard there.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:31am UTC
Why do you keep replacing my deodorant with a bottle of your pungent fear, Benjamin?!
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 05:31am UTC
How about that for subtlety and wit, Boatswain?
See, I don't need either of those two things since I have more time spent on this website.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:32am UTC
It's disgusting (because it smells like poop) and also a little disturbing that one person can have so much fear.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:32am UTC
Also, why is your fear pink with black polka dots?
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:33am UTC
And, why, when I peer into it do I see a picture of my face, smiling, gaunt and steady?
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:33am UTC
Like an unyielding king.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:33am UTC
Like the top dog.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:34am UTC
I'd brush up a bit, then, Benjamin, because I think that you're not going to have more time spent on this website for long.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:36am UTC
In fact, if I were an astrologer, I would predict that you pack your bags, and get an umbrella, because it's going to be flooding some disappointment.
Cabin Boy Farluffo
25 March 2009 05:37am UTC
And I will read forth, wishing I could battle forth as well you do. You tower of strength... you incredible, amazing, super-duper handsome man warrior of tsp battles.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:37am UTC
And, you're probably going to need a lot more of those bottles in which you keep your fear. I have a feeling that you're going to start secreting more than even you are used to.
Cabin Boy Farluffo
25 March 2009 05:39am UTC
Benjamin, did you read what I just wrote? You should definitely prove me wrong. And, have Keri wipe the poo off your face from that before bed snack you just had.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:39am UTC
My warriority is only a shadow of your warriorness. It is a mere lolcat to your meerkat of awesomeness.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:39am UTC
That last comment was to Farluffo, not to Benjamin. Benjamin's warrioration is like a toilet to my Pacific ocean.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:42am UTC
Also, I think that it's safe to say that this is one of the most-commented posts in the history of TSP.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:42am UTC
Which just goes to show how indignant people are at the cheap way in which Benjamin has stolen the top spot on time spent.
Cabin Boy Farluffo
25 March 2009 05:43am UTC
you give me wings of awesomeness, which are broken immediately whenever i'm not reading your awesome words... or experiencing your amazingly awesome existence
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:44am UTC
One might even call this time-spent-gate-2009. The most-talked about conspiracy in the history of everything.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:45am UTC
You give me a heart, Farluffo. You are my heart. Without you, I cannot live, and I certainly cannot fly/float/super-jet-pack into space.
Cabin Boy Farluffo
25 March 2009 05:45am UTC
This was fantastic guys! Good battling!
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:45am UTC
*whew*
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:46am UTC
Life is once more in its rightful flow. I am once again the top dog, the tallest giraffe, or whatever else you want to call it. I have spent the most time on TSP.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:46am UTC
Farluffo, I couldn't have done it without you.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:46am UTC
And, yes, this was a ridiculous amount of fun. I'm sorry to everyone who reads through it all.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:47am UTC
Especially Benjamin.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:47am UTC
Thanks for being such a good sport, Benjamin.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:47am UTC
And also for being slower than a turtle without legs.
Cabin Boy Farluffo
25 March 2009 05:48am UTC
Ditto (or Diddo)... one of those words is the right word, and i mean that word... whole-heartedly, my fellow heart.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 05:49am UTC
From you, everything is the right word. From you, everything is the right world.
Cabin Boy Farluffo
25 March 2009 05:50am UTC
meaning diddo to the heart sentence. although, if benj is indeed "sleeping" right now, he probably is as slow as a turtle without legs
Cabin Boy Farluffo
25 March 2009 05:50am UTC
*blushing*
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 02:45pm UTC
Well, Omer I am offended. Your comments stopped at 11:49pm last night, but I saw from the online page that you were up till around 2:30am this morning.
Did you stop coming once you were ahead but didn't want to get too far ahead? HOW DARE YOU.
I don't want your charity. I don't want my victory tainted by your chivalry. Bring it on, Omer. I will destroy you.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 02:48pm UTC
Don't worry. Your victory won't be tainted by my chivalry. My victory will be gilded with my chivalry.
Anyway, I just want to make this interesting for Mike.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 02:51pm UTC
You know how a goose feels when it's about to be eaten by a planet-sized awesomosaur?
Well you're about to.
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 02:55pm UTC
Well, do you know how an awesomosaur feels when it is eaten by a goose?
Because, you're about to.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 03:07pm UTC
I really don't think you know how awesome the size of an awesomosaur is. It would take a goose, like, 500 years to eat an awesomosaur. And, geese don't even live that long. I mean, you take the average life expectancy of a goose (25 years), and the sheer giganticitude of an awesomosaur, and you're looking at 20 geese, one after the other, trying to eat the awesomosaur for their entire lives.
20 is, incidentally, also the number of copies of you that I could beat spending time on TSP with my bare hands.
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 03:20pm UTC
Which is why it will be all the more amazing when I (the goose) devour you (the lame-o-saur) in a matter of minutes.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 03:27pm UTC
You're right. It will be amazing. I seem to remember something similar happening on a recent Order of the Stick (if you don't want to see the comic, so that the story isn't ruined, just assume that it is a comic about how a petty thing eats an awesome thing only to have revenge exacted upon it... sweet, sweet revenge).
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 03:38pm UTC
That's what I get for playing with the cat. Now you have caught up again.
Constant Vigilance!
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 03:39pm UTC
Boy, I tell you, I just don't get that Order of a Stick web comic.
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 03:39pm UTC
Just like Omer doesn't get what it is like to be a winner.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 03:40pm UTC
Excellent. The cat worked. Now, what other distractions should I send you?
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 03:41pm UTC
And, Benjamin doesn't get what it is like to be a loser.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 03:41pm UTC
Let's educate ourselves and each other!
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 03:42pm UTC
Oh there will be no educating done here!
Mwa ha ha ha... ha... ha.
Wait....
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 03:43pm UTC
It's okay. I was faking. I know exactly what it's like to be a winner.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 03:43pm UTC
After all, I am a winner.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 03:44pm UTC
I mean, remember last night? And also, you know, the past three years?
Dread Pirate Benjamin
25 March 2009 03:45pm UTC
I was just mysteriously 'kicked off my network.' You are more devastated by this than I thought. The lengths you will go to are shocking.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 03:46pm UTC
You mistake devastation with power. I just want to show you of what I am capable.
Boatswain The Fool
25 March 2009 03:47pm UTC
Also, notice that the universe is starting to shake.
Cabin Boy Farluffo
25 March 2009 06:35pm UTC
hahaha! good stuff, guys.
Sailing Master Keri
26 March 2009 03:42am UTC
Boatswain, I really enjoyed that link of Captain Jack Sparrow!
Sailing Master Keri
26 March 2009 03:45am UTC
Nemesis Fartluffo, stop eating poop for dessert! That's just gross!
Peon Peetie
26 March 2009 02:05pm UTC
fool, don't you know the dread pirate uses a mac? it's not ctrl-r on a quality machine...
Boatswain The Fool
26 March 2009 02:34pm UTC
Thanks, Keri!
Also, Peetie - you're right. I forgot that some people still like to pay for their operating system.
Peon Peetie
26 March 2009 11:37pm UTC
zing.
Boatswain The Fool
27 March 2009 12:03am UTC
:)
Swabie Scabbie
30 March 2009 06:10am UTC
Wow, it's still neck in neck!
Also, linux rules, proprietary operating systems are inferior.
Boatswain The Fool
30 March 2009 07:31am UTC
Benjamin! Get your neck out of my neck!
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:33am UTC
TEAM OMER!!
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:34am UTC
Go OMER!!! You can do it!
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:34am UTC
I believe in you!
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:35am UTC
Pirates! Join TEAM OMER!! We have snacks!
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:36am UTC
Free goldfish for the first fifty pirates to join TEAM OMER!!
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:36am UTC
Free Swedish Fish for the first ten!
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:37am UTC
Enter a sweepstakes to win your own BUFFYBOT. JOINT TEAM OMER TODAY!!!
(Bet you want to switch sides now, huh Benj?)
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:42am UTC
We also have an enormous stockpile of tostadas, burritos, peanut butter and bananas, tortellini, honey nut cheerios, honey, bread, sour patch kids, and red vines.
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:42am UTC
And more!
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:43am UTC
Team Omer is the funnest place to be on tsp!
Alex Russo
9 April 2009 04:48am UTC
Even fictional characters want to be on Team Omer!
Alex Russo
9 April 2009 04:50am UTC
GOOOOOOO OMER!
Alex Russo
9 April 2009 04:51am UTC
I came for the snacks, but stayed for Omer!
Dread Pirate Benjamin
9 April 2009 04:52am UTC
Poppy, you have turned too, eh?
Just you wait, you'll get what you deserve.
Dread Pirate Benjamin
9 April 2009 04:53am UTC
(and it will probably be a belly ache if you eat all that food!)
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:54am UTC
Omer will be victorious!!
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:54am UTC
I will not be dissuaded!
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:55am UTC
It's time....
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:55am UTC
MUTINY!!!
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:56am UTC
BTF DOT ORG!!
Dread Pirate Benjamin
9 April 2009 04:57am UTC
I have it on good authority that Poppy has lost her mind. Don't worry dear readers, I have called the hospital and they tell me they have a car en route to pick her up.
Don't listen to her, just go about your normal lives.
Move along.
Nothing to see here!
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:58am UTC
(that's boatswainthefool.org, btw)
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:58am UTC
TIME FOR A TAKEOVER!!
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:58am UTC
A hostile takeover, if necessary.
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 04:59am UTC
I'd prefer a bloodless coup. Benji, you are free to surrender at any time. No one has to be hurt.
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 05:00am UTC
Team Omer is compassionate. We have no interest in unnecessary suffering.
Dread Pirate Benjamin
9 April 2009 05:01am UTC
Well, I'm not going anywhere. So it will have to be bloodfull.
Unfortunately, it is my bed time, so can we have your coup tomorrow?
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 05:01am UTC
(There will be some necessary suffering, however.)
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 05:02am UTC
ALWAYS MAKING THESE EXCUSES!!
Is this the kind of captain you want, pirates??
Omer never sleeps.
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 05:03am UTC
TEAM OMER is ever vigilant.
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 05:03am UTC
...waiting.
Dread Pirate Benjamin
9 April 2009 05:05am UTC
Well, your mom is waiting too.
Take that.
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 05:09am UTC
Okay, I was going to leave it at that. But that's a really good use of "your Mom." I have to give props.
The Anonymous Poppy
9 April 2009 05:09am UTC
(Props made out of dynamite.)
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:15am UTC
Our mutiny has succeeded! Hazzah!
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:16am UTC
As a first order of business, I recommend that we choose a new Dread Pirate to be our captain.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:16am UTC
...
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:16am UTC
And, based on his myriad experiences and a reputation that speaks plainly and obviously for itself, I hereby nominate one... Benjamin Thomas.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:17am UTC
Any other nominations?
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:17am UTC
...
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:17am UTC
No?
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:17am UTC
Okay, good, then. Our one nominee is Benjamin Thomas.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:18am UTC
Let's have a vote.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:18am UTC
I hereby cast my vote for...
... wait, we should probably go over the nominees again first.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:18am UTC
The nominees are:
* Benjamin Thomas
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:19am UTC
Would any of the nominees like to give a speech about why they would make a good Dread Pirate captain?
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:19am UTC
...
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:19am UTC
no?
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:19am UTC
Okay. Well, there you have it, then. The only nominee is Benjamin Thomas. Let's vote!
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:20am UTC
I hereby cast my vote for...
... wait. Really? Nobody wants to nominate anybody else? Not even themselves?
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:21am UTC
This is a free pass here.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:21am UTC
You've got a 50/50 chance of winning it. The whole thing.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:21am UTC
...
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:21am UTC
No?
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:22am UTC
All right. Fine. Well...
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:22am UTC
I hereby cast my vote for...
... wait. This should probably be a blind vote anyway.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:23am UTC
Everyone take a piece of paper and write your candidate's name on it...
... No, wait! Let's do that thing where we lower our heads and raise our hands.
I'll count.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:24am UTC
Well, I guess that's not really fair. Then, I'll know who everyone voted for, and I might be accused of, say, killing anyone who didn't vote for me. And, I certainly wouldn't want to leave myself open to such accusations.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:24am UTC
... does anyone have a set of voting booths? Maybe some scantrons?
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:25am UTC
...
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:25am UTC
No?
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:26am UTC
All right. Well, let's just go ahead and write them down. We can put them in this empty cannon.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:26am UTC
...
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:26am UTC
Okay. Has everyone voted?
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:27am UTC
...
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:27am UTC
Everyone? This is your last chance.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:27am UTC
Right here.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:27am UTC
Right now.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:27am UTC
If you haven't voted, don't go complaining when the person you didn't want to be Dread Pirate captain becomes Dread Pirate captain.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:28am UTC
I think this is going to be a close one.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:28am UTC
No more votes? Anyone?
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:28am UTC
...
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:28am UTC
No?
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:28am UTC
Okay...
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:29am UTC
I've tallied the votes. It was indeed close.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:29am UTC
By a single vote, the winner is...
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:30am UTC
Wait, shouldn't we have some kind of fanfare? Maybe televise this. Does anyone have a television network?
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:30am UTC
...
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:30am UTC
No?
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:30am UTC
... Okay. Well, then, we'll just make do. Use your memories. Take pictures with your eyes. Then post them on Wikipedia.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:30am UTC
Your eyes, I mean.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:31am UTC
All right. Enough pomp and circumstance.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:31am UTC
The winner is...
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:31am UTC
By a single vote...
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:31am UTC
Benjamin Thomas!
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:33am UTC
Congratulations, Benjamin! You've won the right to be the Dread Pirate captain of this ship, including, but not limited to, the rights to make blog posts, to link to pages on the Internet, and to occasionally ban people for spamming old blog posts with inane comments.
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:33am UTC
But, never forget...
Boatswain The Fool
17 July 2009 05:33am UTC
I HAVE MORE VISITS THAN YOU!
Sailing Master Keri
17 July 2009 04:09pm UTC
Ha ha ha!