home
At some point this summer, Colorado College became home to me. Wait. What?
I have lived there for the past three and a half years and, except for the last six months, always thought of Portland as home. I was at school, and then over the summers and holidays I went home.
Freshman year, certainly so. Freshman year, or I should say my first year, I was just getting there and meeting people and getting used to being without parents. I didn't really get to know people and mostly just kind of floated around. I met a lot of people but didn't connect.
Sophomore year I met Kathleen. Then home became Kathleen and Portland. But Colorado College was still not home to me. It was where I was and where I went to school. But I didn't live there. Especially because I was only there for half a year.
Junior year was just weird. I arrived a block late and everyone else already had their friends and their patterns and I felt left out. For the first half at least. Second, semester was amazing. But home was still Kathleen and Portland. Now it didn't help that Kathleen was no longer in either Colorado College or Portland; I was being pulled all sorts of different crazy.
But this summer something changed. Mike and I really connected. Cindy and Sarah drove us crazy. I started farting on him. And, you may laugh, but that was something big.
I also said this summer, 'this is me! take it or leave it.' And that was huge.
Then I moved into Blanca 106. And what happened there was truly amazing. Kathleen and I broke up, too. And though she is still my best friend, it forced me to find support elsewhere. These last four months have without a doubt been the best in college and almost assuredly much further back. That isn't to say there weren't lows. Who can forget second block? But over all. Now, Portland still feels like home, but Colorado College, or Blanca 106, is really home.
It was just a weird transition over these last couple of years. That's all. I really wish I didn't write posts like this late at night.
31 December 2005 04:37am UTC • 181 views • 13 comments
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13 comments
Peon Peetie
31 December 2005 09:16am UTC
funny how similar our situations are.my home has always been in with gwynne. gwynne and i grew up in wilmette, il, so as a result, that has been home. then we broke up. i came "home" to wilmette a few days ago and nothing has felt so weird in a long time. i'm starting to get used to it, but blanca 106 was something else. and strange, benji, how when i first got home and we chatted we both said i miss home without even thinking about how we called the fishbowl home.
at least you get to go back this year... i have to wait until september to live at home again
Sailing Master Keri
31 December 2005 10:21am UTC
That's so weird! I feel the same way. I've caught myself calling CC home a couple of times (this makes my parents very upset, by the way). For the first time, I'm actually excited for break to be over so I can return to CC.I feel that home won't be complete next semester. Not without Peter.
Surgeon , Brittney the
31 December 2005 03:55pm UTC
so here's something weird, is blanca 106 my home?!?! my dorm room is not necessarily home but i miss being at cc--i think it is because of blanca 106. can it be my home and i don't even live ther???i agree with keri. i think blanca 106 will lose its "homeness" without peter. kaitlin will make it a different home, but the fall 05 homeness of blanca 106 is lost forever......
Dread Pirate Benjamin
31 December 2005 03:59pm UTC
of course it can be your home!Boatswain The Fool
31 December 2005 04:30pm UTC
I will respond to this in more detail later... right now, I want to note that, despite it being the day before New Year's Eve, there are four people online right now!Sailing Master Bloody Bun
31 December 2005 10:50pm UTC
I know what you mean, add to that the fact that I haven't been home 'home' for about 4 years now and you get an inkling of what I feel.The Anonymous Poppy
1 January 2006 01:49am UTC
Hmmm... I understand what you all mean, but I definitely disagree. I love being home, and CC isn't it at all. I adore Az and I actively ignore the fact that I'm not with my family all the time that I'm away. But, I've lived here in this house my whole life, and I think being a youngest child might have something to do with it too. I'd live here forever if I could -- I want to buy the house from my parents eventually, though it probably won't be fit for living in by then.I think if anywhere were to be home away from home though, it would be Blanca 106. I've been very few places more inviting.
Boatswain The Fool
1 January 2006 03:52pm UTC
I started calling CC "home" during my first year there... I guess I don't think of home as anything special, since I've always (historically) spent most of my time by myself and moved around a lot anyway, so anywhere with me - and my stuff - was a pretty decent version of "home." But, I think it is a testament to you all that I am now _happier_ at CC than I am in Boulder, and as much as I look forward to not having homework during breaks or to graduating and being done (hopefully!) with the feeling that I should always be doing more, I have no desire at all to leave the people to whom I've gotten close over the years, and especially to the people with whom I've been spending my time this year...Hmm... Maybe I'm not entirely sure what "home" means (I can almost feel a musical number coming on), but I know where I want to be and with whom I want to be spending my time... and although that's more than a bit hoaky-sounding, I think I can top it off: thanks, all, for being those people.
And now, a question... I noticed several important names missing from the people you attribute to "home," Mr. Benjamin. What's the deal, yo?
The Anonymous Poppy
1 January 2006 04:40pm UTC
When is a musical number NOT coming on around here?Boatswain The Fool
1 January 2006 08:55pm UTC
Well, I know one time that is _not_ the answer: Tuesday at 10pm.Carpenter Courtney
1 January 2006 09:13pm UTC
Strangely, although I love CC and our apartment and the wonderful Colorado Springs weather and community and thin mountain air, I feel sort of homeless right now. Not in the sense that my possessions fit snuggly into a shopping cart, but in the sense that I'm looking forward to moving on eventually to greener (ocean-ier) pastures. I have this feeling that my life as an adult won't really begin until I feel like I'm home somewhere (Garden State, anyone?). And unfortunately, unlike the protaganists of Garden State, I find that someone can't be isomorphic to "home," although I know I wouldn't feel at home without his presence. And of course, no house would be home without a fluffy Moo!Anyway. Strange how home is such a mutable concept.
Carpenter Courtney
1 January 2006 09:14pm UTC
Oh! And on a slightly related topic, isn't it weird how there are links called "home" everywhere you go online? I sort of wish that I could click on "home" and magically be teleported to wherever home is. Damn internet and its false promises.Slade
11 January 2006 06:08am UTC
My mom blew a minor gasket when I started referring to wherever I lived in Eugene as 'home.'Still not sure how I feel about calling Eugene home, either.