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OK Cupid

I think it is no secret that I like personality tests. I'm not saying that they are useful in anyway, but usually a personality test only tells you the good things about yourself (it might be fun to make a personality test that just tells you your bad qualities) and I like hearing good things about me. Give me compliments whenever!

But personality tests are inherently flawed. I mean they have to put you into some sort of category, which means that the categories are predetermined, and the thought that all (almost) 7 billion people fit into some small number of categories (like 16!?) is absurd. Even more flawed is that when you are taking a personality test, you know you are doing this, so that fact changes how you feel about the questions. Furthermore, your ideal self is probably very different than your real self, so which one is answering the questions? Yet another flaw, is that the questions are usually pretty obvious about what binary direction they are leaning. So, basically the test just asks you to tell it what your personality is as opposed to subtly figuring it out itself.

But that said, they can still be fun!

A few dating sites use personality quizes to match their users up (most notably eHarmony) which (for the reasons I've already mentioned) I think is a fundamentally flawed approach (though that doesn't mean it doesn't strike gold sometimes!).

Well, the dating website OK Cupid (which I have linked to a couple times before) uses a different approach. All you do is answer a ton of questions, and for each question you say how important specific responses are to you. It then compares your answers to other people's and the more answers you have in common the higher a match it thinks you are. Not only does it give you a score for how good a match you are with a person but it tells you a "friend" and "enemy" score too!

Now, this system isn't perfect either, but I feel like it is pretty good. You choose what questions you want to answer (so, what you tell about yourself) and you say how important (basically on a scale of 1 to 5) different answers are. For me, most of the answers are "irrelevant" since the questions can be interpreted in so many different ways, but some of them I feel very strongly about. Like how important fidelity and monogamy are to a relationship, or how open I want to be with my spouse, or about hunting.

Omer said something that I thought was right on. These questions don't help you answer the most important thing, which is how much fun it would be to hang out with a person.

Here are some example questions that I marked a few of the answers as "Mandatory" for:

  1. How many children would you ideally like to have?
  2. Should gay marriage be treated equally by law as straight marriage?
  3. It's the man's responsibility to provide, not the woman's.
  4. Does smoking disgust you?

I marked that it was mandatory that, they want children, think gay marriage should be treated equally, don't think it is the man's responsibility to provide, and that smoking disgusts them.

Here are some example questions that I marked a few of the answers as "Somewhat Important" for:

  1. Do you want to get married in a religous setting (church, mosque, synagogue etc)?
  2. Trust, once lost...
  3. Does finding a long-term partner give you license to "let yourself go," (lower your standards of personal hygiene or appearance or gain large amounts of weight)?
  4. You discover that someone you have been dating has six toes on each foot.

I said it was somewhat important that they don't want to get married in a religious setting or would do it if their partner wanted, that they think trust can be rebuilt with time, that they haven't not let themselves go thus far because of the possibility of finding a mate, and that they wouldn't care about extra toes.

Anyway, I'm saying all this to get at the fact that I have created a profile and answered a few questions. I'm hoping you will, too, just so we can see what kind of match, friends and enemies we are!

[A word of warning, there are some sex-related questions in there, so if you are a parent, maybe you should "skip" those questions; but I'll leave that decision up to you.]

I know there is no chance of getting my dad to answer a bunch of questions, but wouldn't it be fun to see what score it gives my parents? Or even just me and Keri?

And you really do have to answer a lot of questions. Omer and I started out at about a 70% match and 40% enemies, but by the time I had answered all the questions he had answered, we were up to a 93% match and 10% enemy (but only 74% friend). Oh and apparently Poppy and I are not meant to be, we have a 51% match.

So anyway, all of you, go create a profile and answer a couple hundred questions! Now!

[If you are worried about the fact that I am on an online dating website and am married, don't, I've marked as such and stated I'm only interested in friends!]

22 November 2010 08:59pm UTC • 383 views • 17 comments

Tagged with okcupid, profile, onlinedating, questions

17 comments

  1. Erik the Redish-orange 75

    23 November 2010 12:12am UTC

    Yeah right, Benjamin (to your last sentence). I was worried you could only deal with Keri for so long once she was in school. I guess "so long" was about 3.5 months!

  2. Swordsman Satchel 127

    23 November 2010 02:54am UTC

    How do I find you after I've made a profile?

  3. Dread Pirate Benjamin 1

    23 November 2010 03:25am UTC

    Here's my profile and here's where you answer questions!

  4. Swordsman Satchel 127

    23 November 2010 09:14am UTC

    We're 87% match, 73% friend, and 9% enemy.

  5. Swordsman Satchel 127

    23 November 2010 09:15am UTC

    At least we agree on mustaches!

  6. Dread Pirate Benjamin 1

    23 November 2010 09:23am UTC

    Wow! 87% is pretty good! And I went through and looked at the questions we disagreed on and realized I misread a rather contentious one, so I changed my vote and we're now a 90% match, 76% friend and 4% enemy!

    90%?! I'd date that!

    76% though? I know serial killers that are better friends matches. That just won't do.

  7. Dread Pirate Benjamin 1

    23 November 2010 09:26am UTC

    but when I changed that one question my match with omer dropped to 91%. Now I need to think about my answer some more! Who's right? Omer or Satchel?!

  8. Boatswain The Fool 2

    23 November 2010 10:23am UTC

    You should probably choose alphabetically. By first or last name, whatever you like. I mean, just to be fair.

  9. Peon Peetie 38

    23 November 2010 10:39am UTC

    personally, i always liked the petedot personality tests way more. i mean, when have you ever seen a truly telling question -- like your favorite place to fart, or if you sneeze when you get aroused -- on ok cupid?

    (I did enjoy some of those questions, and will fill more out later! my profile is here)

  10. Dread Pirate Benjamin 1

    23 November 2010 11:05am UTC

    Peter, you could always add those questions to OK Cupid! Though I don't know if there is someone vetting the questions...

  11. Kate the Quiet 80

    24 November 2010 12:20am UTC

    Here's another vote for eHarmony! Both my younger sister and I found our husbands via that site. (And I had been recommended to it by a lady at work who also met her husband on there!)

    Now, I don't believe eHarmony really matched us on 1,000,000,000 levels of deep compatibility or whatever they claim, but they do take into account some basic "must-haves" and "can't stands" to decide whom to match you with. And sometimes, that's all you need to start finding out that you really are compatible on 1,000,000,000 levels!

    Yay, eHarmony!

  12. The Anonymous Poppy 53

    24 November 2010 03:06am UTC

    Younger sister... HUSBAND?? Did Megan get engaged??

  13. Swordsman Satchel 127

    24 November 2010 08:52am UTC

    I'm not sure, but I think I have a better shot with last names...

  14. Boatswain The Fool 2

    26 November 2010 06:37am UTC

    I'll take that challenge! Of course, it helps that I know your last name...

    Oh, and for whoever cares: my OKCupid profile.

  15. Boatswain The Fool 2

    26 November 2010 06:37am UTC

    Oh, and did I mention?, *diabolical laughter*

  16. Peon Peetie 38

    26 November 2010 07:39am UTC

    fool, your recursion comment just made me nearly pee my pants laughing. i hope we're compatible.

  17. Boatswain The Fool 2

    26 November 2010 05:13pm UTC

    Thanks, Peetie! I like that you don't necessarily consider yourself an IT guy... it's just what your business cards say.

    Also, since apparently I'm bad at correctly linking to things: a working link to my OKCupid profile.

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