On Friends and my neighbors
Omer said, "Being someone's friend is tough business."
In the comments of my resent post of my favorite quotes I said that I had decided that I didn't agree with this quote anymore. Well, I have changed my mind again. Or rather, I think I was looking at it the wrong way before.
I read the quote as pertaining to your actions towards your friend. How you treat them. I think that is easy. Just like them, respect them and care about them. (I think the statement was said with this meaning in mind. If I remember correctly, I might have to find the AIM logs and look this up.)
But, I hate all the politics that goes with being friends. These politics stem from the fact that ultimately you don't really get to choose your friends. I mean you are actively choosing what you do in your life, but you aren't in control; all your friends are making choices about this, too. So you end up spending too much time, or too little time. Or spending time with their friends. Basically, everyone isn't always on the same page. And this can be tough business!
Take for example (honestly, I wrote half of this post over a year ago, so I didn't write this little diatribe with this scenario in mind) my neighbors. I am in love with two of my neighbors. Seriously. I had like the greatest summer of my life because of them. The only problem is, they don't really like hanging out with me. Well, I guess the real problem is that they are 15 and 17 years old. And have their own friends. And their own things to do. Like homework. And they don't have a place in their lives for their lonely 24 year old neighbor. As much as I'd like to say the age gap isn't relevant, it probably has a lot to do with why I am so smitten with them (and their friends). They are so young and excited about things. And (during the summer at least) they have no other responsibilities like jobs. They will play bloody murder with me (it's kind of like hide and go seek) and crawl around in the bushes. And play badminton with me for hours in the afternoons. The only thing they won't do is open up to me. Or confide in me. Or seek me out. But really it is probably for the best.
I guess just the point is that being a friend to someone else is easy. That takes love. But after thinking about it some more, I realized that Omer is right. Dealing with what they give you is a mixed bag.
14 December 2007 04:24pm UTC • 644 views • 7 comments
Tagged with friends, neighbors, omer
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7 comments
Peon Peetie
14 December 2007 08:47pm UTC
generally speaking, i agree. i feel it can be difficult to be someone's friend because, as you said, no two people are ever really in the same boat. i often find myself hanging out with the lowest maintenance people because i know that i'm not expected to do too much, and i can only expect the same in return. i think, too, that this applies even more so to significant others. the idea of not being in the same boat as your lady friend (or boyfriend) is horrifying to me-- regardless of whether you love her more or she loves you more. either way, it's painful for all parties
or, as mr. neil put it:
"it's a sad communication
with little reason to believe
when one isn't giving
and one pretends to receive.
oh, but it feels so good
when love flows the way that it should"
The Anonymous Poppy
14 December 2007 11:03pm UTC
Unlike Peter, I find myself making very close friends with just a few higher-maintenance people. And, you know, I think that is just a personality difference thing, how many of what kind of friends you naturally feel comfortable with.
But I think it's really wonderful to have a very, very close friendship with someone, where you can tell them absolutely anything. And sometimes, you do most of the talking and sometimes they do, and sometimes you have problems and at other times they have the problems. But you'll be friends for a long time and it all evens out in the end. I have just one friend like this, and she's also the only friend I have close by, and that works out just fine for me.
I agree with Benji, the key is love. But I also disagree: that doesn't make it easy. Yes, it's easy to love Kate, and it's easy to like her and care about her and respect her. But it can sometimes he difficult to take actions that show these things. I end up doing things that are selfish and thoughtless, or saying things that are insulting, or prying into her life and being nosy. Not because I love her any less, but because I'm human, I guess? I think being a good friend means being selfless, and that's difficult for us to do.
Kate the Quiet
17 December 2007 05:19am UTC
Aw, my roomie loves me! Thanks, Poppy!
The Anonymous Poppy
17 December 2007 07:33am UTC
BFF!
Peon Peetie
18 December 2007 01:57am UTC
poppy, did you just cyber-vomit? bffff? is that synonymous with blaaaaarghh :P
The Anonymous Poppy
18 December 2007 04:46am UTC
Best Friends Forever.
As in those annoying cell phone commercials with the people talking in IM-speak. Mother: "Well, who are you texting so much?" Girl: "idk, my bff Jill?"
(As annoying as these commercials are, they have spawned a number of pretty awesome LJ icons. "My BFF Ron," "My BFF Wilson," etc.)
Peon Peetie
18 December 2007 08:58pm UTC
hahah yeah i know... i was just joking :)