On Respect
The title of my last post was a continuation of a series of posts in which I complain about something. The second post in this 'series' was titled A big pet peeve and was about whether or not, if you get your food ahead of others at a meal, you should wait to eat. I asserted that expecting others to wait to eat was itself a disrespectful act. In the comments of that post there was a lengthy discussion of what it means to be respectful.
I've thought about that discussion a lot since then. For a number of reasons. I remember at the time getting really upset that people weren't seeing what I felt was the obvious logic in my arguments, and getting really frustrated that they kept disagreeing. I've since always felt a decent amount of embarrassment from the discussion, that so many people seemed to disagree with my side. And embarrassment by how upset I got. Also, it is an interesting and complicated issue to think about. How do you show respect while still respecting your beliefs?
At the time, I was obsessed with discovering or deducing "truths" about life. What was the right way to approach life? What was the right way to treat people? And this idea of respect was an extension of that. What was actual (not societal) respect? And in regards to that, I had discovered a "truth"! And was trying to share it!
Well, I'm here to tell you that I was wrong. Now, I still contend that expecting others to wait to eat if they have food isn't very respectful. No, what I was wrong about was, what it means to be respectful.
Respect isn't about "truths" and it isn't about figuring out the one way to act towards everyone. I used to think being respectful was about figuring out what I found respectful and then acting that way. But now, I've realized that being respectful towards someone else is the opposite, it's acting in a manner that the person you are trying to show respect to finds respectful.
Which may seem pretty obvious to you, but I was pretty happy when I came up with it myself. Now, I'm a pretty passionate guy, so I usually try and find some sort of middle ground between my beliefs on respect and those of the people I am interacting with. I'm not completely willing to throw out my side of things.
There. I was wrong once. Pretty weird, I know. But you'll have to excuse me, I was young.
19 March 2011 08:40am UTC • 137 views • 1 comment
Tagged with respect, correction, life, onX
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1 comment
Peon Peetie
21 March 2011 06:21am UTC
have you been watching the new season of house? :)