On Web Development
This post has been a long time coming, and is sort of an appropriate follow up to last night's post. This is another post in my series of posts where I discuss a particular topic.
I have said time and time again that I don't want to do web development as my job. And when people ask me why, I always say, "because I like it too much." This answer makes sense to me on a gut-level, but doesn't seem to express my feelings properly, based off of the strange looks I get every time I say it. So, this post is an attempt at explaining why I don't like getting paid to program.
Now, I've talked at length before about why I like programming. In a nutshell, my personallity is particularly inclined towards this activity; I like building things, I like logic, I like things that are hard and I like learning new things.
However, there are some things about my personality that are not good for web development as a job.
I am not good at doing things for long periods of time. My attention span is about 3 weeks. This is why the block plan at Colorado College was so good for me. After 3 weeks I usually change gears and try something else. But a job doesn't care if you are interested. X is due by Y and that's all that matters.
I don't like to finish things. Or more accurately, I really like to start things. I like starting projects and figuring them out, but the mundane act of polishing off every little detail is very hard for me.
I don't do well with work where I am left to my own devices. The job that I enjoyed the most (and I'd say did the best at) was working as a receptionist in the CC dorm buildings while I was an RA. With that kind of job your task is clear: When people come to the desk, you help them out. If I am left to my own devices I procrastinate too much or get easily distracted. With web development, someone says, "I want a job" and then three weeks later you are expected to say "Here it is!". But it is hard for me to be super productive the first two weeks. Now, you could say that I just need to grow up and learn to stay on task, which I could probably do with a lot of effort. But I don't think that is playing to my strengths. I'm better suited for other kinds of jobs, so why try and force a square peg into a round hole?
I do not respond well at all to stress or responsibility. In two ways. 1) responsibility makes it so I can't enjoy the activity. I can't tell you why, but I can tell you about the many programming projects that sounded fun and were fun right up until people were counting on me. It is like a switch is thrown. I just immediately stop enjoying it. And 2) my gut reaction to stress is to ignore it. Not solve it. Which isn't very helpful. I have seen these patterns time and time again from being an RA, to my distinction project, to being paraprof, to working with Dan, and so on. It has happened consistently enough that it is no longer a pattern it is just a behavioral trait. So, not only am I just plain bad at doing stuff that has a lot of stress, but I have high expectations for myself and when I am not meeting those expectations I get even more discouraged, stressed, useless and miserable. It really is a viscous cycle.
And finally, I love web development. Now this might seem a little bit strange (the fact that I love something means it is a bad job for me), but let me explain. I think about web development projects that I want to do all the time: On the PCT (or any other backpacking trip for that matter), while driving, during dinner, while watching TV, while talking to my fiance. I plan projects. I day dream. Web development for me is something, that when I am away from my computer I can't wait to get back home to get on my computer and read about it, and play around with it, and try things out. But if I do web development all day for work then when it comes time for me to not work, web development is one of the last things I want to do. This has one major side effect: It starts to creep into the time when I need to be working. So even while I try and stay on task, I find myself thinking about other stuff, or researching other stuff. Or really quickly trying other stuff out. Which means I'm not getting the work done that I need to get done.
I think my reaction to this XKCD comic titled "Academia vs. Business" is pretty telling. Both of those sound absolutely awful.
If web development is a no-go then what will I do, you ask? I have three ideas:
- I'd like to try construction at some point. Seems like it could be fun.
- Some sort of retail job. I'd get to interact with a lot of people on a daily basis. And I would get paid to be excited about things. I like being excited about things! Preferably this retail job would be selling outdoor gear.
- High school teacher. This is a bit more of a long-term idea. I'd prefer college, but I hate research, so that isn't going to happen. Plus, I do think high schoolers are a really fun age to interact with. The grading would be hard for me though.
27 December 2009 11:49am UTC • 174 views • 15 comments
Tagged with onX, webdevelopment, jobs, work, introspective
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15 comments
Peon Peetie
28 December 2009 03:36am UTC
What I think is interesting is your assumptions about doing web development as a job when you haven't ever really done it before. Of course, you've worked long and hard, and done a great job, on empty garage books, but I think that's only one example of what a web development job can be.
Consider how different it must be to work for a huge company that works on huge projects (like botwain's job), versus what you've been doing at egb, which is really driven only by your own motivation. Clearly the latter is not really working out for you. But who's to say that something else in the middle of the spectrum wouldn't be perfect?
The first problem you mentioned was that you don't like how X is due on Y. In my job, I've never had a due date. I'm not madly in love with my job, but the timing for projects has always been great. My boss has always been very reasonable about timing, and he checks up enough that I'm always making progress. Perhaps you just need someone who can push you to do things "on time" without having a concrete due date. (My boss generally asks me how long I need, then I tell him 120% the actual time I need, and shoot for 100%. That way, if I'm having a hard time motivating myself, I still have a bit of leeway, but he starts asking around 90%.)
You said you don't respond well to stress or responsibility. I think I'm about the same, but I need some kind of motivation. I don't like stress, but there's a fine line between motivation and stress, and when something is not stressful but very motivating, I can do really great work.
I suppose my point is not to give up. I understand how you don't want to take the magic out of web development, but I think (because I'm going through a similar thing now) that there is a happy balance, and as long as you don't get sucked into something that's no good, you can find it. The trick in my opinion, is knowing when to leave something that's not right.
Sorry for the rant. Don't give up though! You make such amazing websites!
Sailing Master Keri
28 December 2009 07:08pm UTC
I agree with Peon: You make amazing websites!
The Anonymous Poppy
29 December 2009 03:46am UTC
I too think that the Peon makes many strong points! There may yet be the perfect job within the realm of web development out there for you.
However, I also totally know where you're coming from with this post. It only took me a few weeks of working in a library to realize that "do what you love" will just make me hate the things that I love. By turning them into work. For many people this might not be the case. But I prefer to keep my passions separate from my professions.
I mean, work can and should be enjoyable. I've always enjoyed some aspect of the jobs that I've held. But I think some people have this notion that jobs are only worthwhile if you really, really care about what you're doing. As if everything a person loves must be manipulated into creating profit or else they're somehow letting themselves down. Which is ridiculous! I am participating fully in the things that I care about -- like fandom, and my relationships with my friends, and reading young adult novels. So what if none of that makes any money? Why should it have to?
Boatswain The Fool
29 December 2009 08:36pm UTC
I am also going to throw my hat into the agreement pool: when he wants to, Benjamin makes amazing websites.
At the same time, given Benjamin's position that he likes working on projects in short bursts and then moving on completely, and only working on projects that he gets excited about, I think finding a job in web development that meets these requirements is going to be difficult. A job might exist, or Benjamin might discover that he can work happily under other conditions (e.g., Peter's situation with deadlines you agree on with your boss), but I remain skeptical.
Poppy: I think the idea of the saying "do what you love" is not a judgment on the things you love to do: that something you love to do should make money. Rather, I think the saying claims that, if your survival/happiness depends on you devoting a good portion of your waking hours to making money (e.g., 40 hours/week), it would be ideal if you could spend those hours doing what you'd want to do with them anyway, so that you can both survive and spend your time in the way you want to spend it. Granted, this idea is problematic, since - at least for programming - the involvement of money changes the action. Writing software for fun and writing software for a job are sufficiently different that it's possible to love doing one and not the other... and that, I think, is where Benjamin is. (The same is probably true of what you love to do: making money at fandom, if possible, probably involves approaching it from academia, which would be a sufficient enough change that you might not love to do it anymore.) But, I think the saying suggests that: if you can find a way to get paid for participating in fandom or relating to your friends or reading young adult novels, in a way that you still love to do them, well, that would be awesome.
Boatswain The Fool
29 December 2009 08:36pm UTC
Also, thanks for misspelling my name, Pon!
Peon Peetie
29 December 2009 11:56pm UTC
sorry fool! it was on my iPhone!
The Anonymous Poppy
30 December 2009 04:49am UTC
Boats'n, I know that's what people usually mean to imply when they say something simple like "do what you love." That makes a lot of sense. Well, some sense. I get that some people want to focus on making the "work" third of their life as enjoyable as possible. Personally, I would rather focus on the other two thirds: "leisure" and "sleep." I bet if I concentrated on making that two-thirds better, despite only kind of enjoying my job, I'd be happier than just about everyone who's "doing what they love" (important exception made for people like artists who are compelled toward certain professions). But that's just my opinion.
However, in most of my conversations in which the sentiment arises, that argument -- it's ideal to spend your money-earning hours on things that you really love to do -- isn't really the one being presented. In my experience, people usually begin by asking what I like to do, and then proceed by vehemently insisting that there must be some way to make money doing that. And that I should look into careers and jobs that feature my most passionate interests. No one ever seems to believe me when I insist that I'm doing this stuff just the way that I want to, no profit needed.
So my comment contained a lot of that rancor.
Dread Pirate Benjamin
30 December 2009 05:06pm UTC
I appreciate all the confidence!
I think that post ended up sounding a lot whinier that I intended. I'm not trying to whine, more trying to explain why I don't think I am a good fit for a job in programming.
Peon, as for this last job being my first or only one, that isn't exactly true. The summer after my freshman year I worked at OHSU designing a website in flash for checking patients in and out of the research center there. That was a two month position. Also, I made a few websites for assorted people over the years. Additionally, programming for school became kind of miserable towards the end of college. So, while I realize this is in no way full coverage of the possible jobs out there, I think I have had some varied experience in the field. And I won't deny the possibility that there is another job out there that would better suit my style of programming. I'm just not incredibly hopeful.
Primary because of the last point in my post. Programming for work makes me not want to program for fun. And that ruins programming in general. Even if I were to find a job that had different deadlines, and where I didn't have to toil away at them, a job is not going be as interesting to me as my latest obsessions. And I think my obsessions change often enough that there is not really much chance of work and them overlapping for too long.
Poppy, I used to be one of those people. Only recently am I beginning to agree with you completely. I'd still like to love my work, but I no longer think my work has to overlap with my passions. Maybe instead of "doing what I love" I can "love what I do" and find some work that I rather enjoy, but that doesn't take the enjoyment out of the things I do in my free time. The latter's enjoyment being much more important than the former's. That's my new goal!
Seamonster Mom
30 December 2009 05:56pm UTC
I like it!
Boatswain The Fool
30 December 2009 09:56pm UTC
I guess I'm coming from a different set of experiences. Most of the jobs I've held, some in programming and some not, I've either disliked initially or thought were okay initially but gradually became worse. And, I've found that spending eight hours a day on something I didn't particularly enjoy made me unhappy outside of work as well. So, perhaps it's only because of my personality, but I think that it's problematic to try to dissociate any one portion of a person's life from the others.
That's not to say that I think every person has to or even should do work that resembles something for which they are passionate, just that - at least for me - the happier I am about what I do for work, the happier I am in general. So, it doesn't make sense to concentrate on my happiness outside of work if it causes me to be unhappy in work.
Also, Poppy: I hope I never insisted that you ought to be able to make money with your passions. I tend to agree with the idea that a job that matches one's passions is ideal and something to maybe look for, but it does not necessarily (or even often) exist.
Boatswain The Fool
30 December 2009 09:58pm UTC
Oh, also, after talking to Benjamin and Keri, my statement, "when he wants to, Benjamin makes amazing websites," makes it sound like I think that Benjamin at times makes websites that are not amazing. This is not the case. All I meant was that, when Benjamin doesn't want to, he often doesn't make websites at all.
Boatswain The Fool
30 December 2009 10:34pm UTC
With one exception: whenever Benjamin and I make websites together, the portion of the website that I make turns out awful. Like when I tried to help out with TSP a couple of years ago...
Sailing Master Keri
31 December 2009 01:18am UTC
I actually like that website, Boatswain! Keep up the good work!
The Anonymous Poppy
31 December 2009 05:13am UTC
Boatswain: You may be The Fool, but you have never been foolish enough to insist that I must be happy at my job. :)
More importantly! While that website you created is obviously hideous and is basically a crime against God and man, have polls ever actually been considered as a part of this website?? Because I want to have polls in my blog, like, all the time but those are a paid account feature with LiveJournal. So I can't!
You should definitely have polls, Benji!
Swabie Scabbie
3 January 2010 07:38am UTC
Benji, I really like your conclusion that 'instead of "doing what I love" I can "love what I do."' I totally agree. I've had jobs in the past that I really enjoyed despite a lack of correlation between that job's description and my interests (ie: administrative assistant), and I've had seemingly awesome jobs totally related to my passions that I hated (ie: rapelling/climbing instructor).
One argument that I don't see above is that you can probably make much more money as a programmer than you can as a construction worker/retail salesman/teacher. I like that money doesn't really seem to factor into the equation for you, but money's at least as important as being passionate about work for most people, so I would guess that's a big reason people seem so shocked at your aversion to programming professionally.