thescruffypiratedotorg

This was one of those posts where I started out with a clear goal, and then the process of writing took it in a completely different direction. Ooops.

Well, I am beginning to feel a little down about what exactly it is that I am doing. And dropping Omer off at graduate school isn't helping. He is starting this big new adventure (is it strange that I am calling five years of computer science an adventure?) and accomplishing something. I want to be accomplishing something, too.

Which is hard, because right now all I want to do is lie down, space out, and watch hours of Siskel, Ebert, and Roeper. When I could be finishing one of the many websites I have planned. Or working on my résumé or portfolio. Or applying for jobs. Or working on one of four art projects I have planned or started. Or doing anything.

I have decided that there are two main times when I feel most alive. (I don't mean to discredit other situations. It is other situations that are more often meaningful.)

1. When I am around lots of people, or meeting new people. Especially if I am the center of attention. (I am embarrassed to admit that I am an attention whore, but let's be honest. I am. And everyone knows it.)
2. When I am creating something. But it isn't the act of creation itself that I enjoy. It is figuring it out. It's the puzzle of it all. This is why I enjoy or have enjoyed legos, frisbee, websites, salsa dancing and computer science so much in my life. I feel like I am creating something in these pursuits. This is why I lose interest in things so easily. Like knitting. Or certain websites. It becomes less of a puzzle.

This knowledge is good and dandy. It should make a course of action pretty clear. But sometimes it's just easier to lie down and space out. I don't understand how Newton, and Einstein, and Larry Page and Sergey Brin did it. (Obviously, I am in the same camp as those guys.)

So to recap: Life is depressing because I don't feel like I am accomplishing anything. There's lots that I have planned to accomplish. I think what I have planned could make me feel great. I like to watch old movie reviews.

Time to get motivated!

21 September 2007 08:14pm UTC • 372 views • 2 comments

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2 comments

1. Peon Peetie

   23 September 2007 05:20am UTC

   good luck! just bite your lip and get started! once you get started, there's no stopping you. we all know this!

2. Steve the Interloper

   24 September 2007 04:42pm UTC

   I think sometimes a certain amount of lying around and spacing out is a necessary precursor to kicking ass.

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