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Well, I missed posting today completely and it is now past midnight. So only 1 day to go! 1 day to go until I turn 25!

25!

25.

25

...

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this particular milestone. When I turned 10 I was excited. When I turned 13 I felt mature. When I turned 18 I was impatient. When I turned 21 I was in a whirlwind.

Poppy just remarked on her blog, "As terrifying as the notion is, I'm pretty much an adult now." And Poppy's younger than me!

Well, what does it mean to be an adult?

Adulthood to me connotes a loss of self-centered-ness. Growing up, life was all about me: My hopes, my dreams, my plans, my friends, my thoughts. Not that I expected everyone else to think that, but it was what I thought about. Adulthood says to me bills, work, children, responsibilities, maturity, stability. Adulthood doesn't seem to me to about what you are going to do, or what you can do, or what you want to do but more about what you have to do. About what other people expect of you. Now admittedly I have a pretty cynical view on growing up.

Furtunately, I don't think any of this applies to me! And I am pretty happy about that! Let's see:

• I don't have children. Phew! Talk about limiting your options!
• I personally think that popular-culture's view on maturity is wrong and lame, so I won't get into that. Pop-culture-wise I might not be mature, me-wise, I think I am.
• I don't have a whole lot of stability. This year alone I have lived in basically 5 different places (Portland, Los Angeles, Colorado Springs, London/France and Boulder). And that is just the places—it doesn't take into account at all how many times in each place!
• I don't have a ton of bills, and will soon be taking on more, but by not having an apartment of my own, I avoid a whole boatload of them.
• I guess I technically have a job, but it doesn't feel like one. I can work wherever I want, at any hour of the day I want. I have complete control over how I do what I do. And I like who I am working with.
• As far as responsibilities go, I think I am doing pretty good on minimizing those.

So, I don't feel like an adult, and don't see that happening anytime soon. Additionally, I still feel like my world revolves around me (in the sense that I am doing what I want, not the negative, everyone only pays attention to me, connotation).

So, this birthday doesn't mean the beginning of adulthood and the end of youth and innocence and fun. In fact, I am very, very excited about this next five years. I have big plans people and damn it, I'm going to do them!

I think the thing turning 25 does bring up is the question of what exactly it is I am doing with my life. Like Peter always says, Bob Dylan had already written a '5 Star' album by this age. I want an amazing life but it isn't quite clear if I am heading in that direction. That is what I think I am the most uncomfortable about. What is it that I have actually done with these 25 years?

I've long been dreading getting older, (and even used to joke about offing myself at 30 to make sure I prevent it), but for some reason this birthday isn't striking dread into my heart. In fact, I feel quite the opposite tonight.

Well, there you have it. I am turning 25 and am excited about what I am doing!

Well, we'll see how I am feeling tomorrow... ☺

(Robert, I apologize if this post is too long and hard for you to read. I'm sorry that my life isn't more interesting for you.)

3 December 2008 09:34am UTC • 441 views • 7 comments

Tagged with life, growingup, growingold, birthday

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7 comments

1. The Anonymous Poppy

   3 December 2008 10:11am UTC

   A-hahaha. Okay, I sort of feel like the "amazing life" link is indicative of my overall presence here. Benj makes an introspective and well-written post about questioning life, and I leave the only comment in which I ramble on about myself for at least five paragraphs in order to disagree with everything that I can.

   I mean, leaving a legacy? A legacy of disjointed and embarrassing tsp comments, maybe. :p

2. Peon Peetie

   3 December 2008 02:06pm UTC

   hate to be johnny raincloud, bud, but bob dylan had written six five star albums by the age of 25. and neil young wrote one of his best songs on his 20th birthday.

   but you're the best web developer i know, hands down! hell, you're the best programmer i know!

3. Robert

   3 December 2008 02:15pm UTC

   I'm kind of excited about 25 since I'll be able to get rental cars when traveling for work.

4. Peon Peetie

   3 December 2008 02:32pm UTC

   robert, i think you can now, just need to pay more. at least in texas, i (23) can rent cars no problem. just costs my company up the wazoo for stupid-young-driver insurance

5. Cabin Boy Farluffo

   3 December 2008 11:39pm UTC

   HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! (its 12:39 in the AM here) je vais t'offrir ton cadeaux plus tard. also, you're a fantastic fellow. have a sunshiny day, buddy!

6. Dread Pirate Benjamin

   4 December 2008 02:49am UTC

   votre visage sent bon la merde.

   (and thanks!)

7. Robert

   4 December 2008 05:45pm UTC

   Happy Birthday! (Jackass!)

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