How to Talk to Little Girls
It never occurred to me that complimenting children on their outfits could be damaging (though it probably should have occurred to me):
I went to a dinner party at a friend's home last weekend, and met her five-year-old daughter for the first time.
Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, and adorable in her shiny pink nightgown. I wanted to squeal, "Maya, you're so cute! Look at you! Turn around and model that pretty ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing!"
But I didn't. I squelched myself. As I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/ well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are.
What's wrong with that? It's our culture's standard talking-to-little-girls icebreaker, isn't it? And why not give them a sincere compliment to boost their self-esteem? Because they are so darling I just want to burst when I meet them, honestly.
Hold that thought for just a moment.
This week ABC News reported that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat.
It makes perfect sense, that by making it clear that the first thing you notice about little girls is how adorable they are, you are only teaching them to be overly concerned with how they look.
Luckily I couldn't care less about some outfit a girl is wearing, so I never talk to any little girls about how they look. So, I don't think I've messed up in this department yet!
25 July 2011 03:00pm UTC • 58 views • 2 comments
Tagged with psychology, growingup, bodyimage, body, girls, talk
Add a comment!
You must be a member to do that! Become a member or login!
Subscribe to the feeds:
2 comments
Marinara
26 July 2011 06:44am UTC
This makes me sad, because I am a girl, and I compliment little girls on how good they look... :( I need to rethink this, I guess. I still think it can be OK, though, if you do it in a smart, thoughtful way. It's not like we're saying, "Oh! You look so skinny today! Aren't you darling!?" :( This just makes me sad.
Dread Pirate Benjamin
29 July 2011 01:38am UTC
I know what you mean, just last night I was talking to my young neighbor and noticed her fidgeting with (what I correctly surmised was a new) bracelet, and remarked on how cute it was. Then I remembered this post and that I wasn't "supposed" to do that.
I think when interacting with anyone you don't know very well it is hard to know what to talk about, so superficial, obvious things are easy conversation starters. Furthermore (and this was Keri's point), remarking on a child's clothes allow you to demonstrate that you aren't so far removed from their world, whether it be by getting excited about an article of clothing they are excited about or be getting excited about things depicted on that clothing (like cartoon characters or colors). So, I don't think any interaction about how a young child looks is damaging.
But still, that statistic about "nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat" is pretty upsetting. Though, really it isn't all that meaningful unless we can compare it to the other gender or to historical data. Maybe three to six year olds have always been that way. Or maybe young boys feel the same way.
Anyway, I generally try to talk to young people about books when I'm looking for something to talk about, because I figure most of them don't get talked to about books by older cool people (which of course I am one!). But having to worry about potentially damaging the psyche of everyone in our lives by what we say is exhausting!